


Disappearing Act (Craptastic Crack Remix)

by IamShadow21



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Bad Fic, Bad Taste, Crack, Deliberate Badfic, Euphemisms, F/M, Fantasizing, Humor, Invisibility, LOLspeak, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Masturbation, Parody, Purple Prose, Remix, Sex Positions, Sexual Fantasy, Slut Harry, Weasleycest, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, With The Permission of the Author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-10
Updated: 2008-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-07 00:14:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IamShadow21/pseuds/IamShadow21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ron tests an experimental Wheeze for George, and experiences an unexpected side effect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disappearing Act (Craptastic Crack Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hpuckle](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=hpuckle).
  * Inspired by [Disappearing Act](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/33518) by hpuckle. 



> READ THE ORIGINAL FIRST, and tell hpuckle you love her. 
> 
> [The original version of Disappearing Act](http://community.livejournal.com/hpucklefics/12079.html)
> 
> Then come back and read mine. It'll be funnier that way.
> 
> Oh, and for the record, this was done totally with hpuckle's knowledge and consent. I was her beta, and due to a little prank I played on her during that process, she begged me to write a bad!fic remix of her story. No wank about me mocking other writers' work, please.

“You really give me the horn,” Ron announced, slobbering all over Harry. “I had to jack off at work, and I shot my load all over the Puking Pastilles.”

Harry moaned appreciatively. “OMG, that’s so HOT!” Harry rubbed Ron’s enormous love muscle through the fabric of his trousers.

“BRB, ‘kay?” Ron announced, stripping to reveal rippling abs and mouth watering thighs.

“WTF, Ron? That was MY job!” Harry sulked.

Ron dashed from the room and chugged the potion his trustworthy older brother, George, had given him to test. He really was thoughtful, wanting to help Ron’s sex life, that way. The potion tasted like strawberries, which made him hungry, so he stopped in the kitchen on his way back through for a three course meal. His magically induced stiffy was very useful; he could hold the refrigerator door open with it while both of his hands were full. He did notice he had a slight case of incomplete invisibility going on, but he assumed that would wear off at some point. And he figured Harry would find it pretty funny.

"Look at my magic cock!" Ron announced, when he went back into the bedroom. "It can bugger you all on its own!" 

"OMGWTFBBQ!" Harry squealed. “Ron! Your cock is in here, and it’s TALKING!!!”

“No, it’s ME!” Ron announced. “I just took this potion that George gave me, because it’ll make me AWESOME in the sack!” He waved the bottle in Harry’s face.

“OMG RON! You’re invisible except for your cock! You took a potion from your brother again? YOU FAIL!” Harry stomped about looking angry, putting clothing back on. “Why do things like this always happen to me? MY LIFE SUCKS!”

“WTF are you doing?” Ron announced, which was odd, because it was a question.

“I’m going to bring your brother back here to look at your cock,” Harry snapped. 

“You want a threesome with my BROTHER? OMG, that’s so kinky!” Ron announced, surprised at how arousing the idea was. Maybe George would want to top. That would be hot. Harry was such a total bottom, and never seemed to want to access Ron’s shapely arse.

“NO! WTF?” Harry shouted. Ron was slightly disappointed. “I need him to magic your body back! If I wanted to fuck a cock on its own, I’d use my ten inch dildo!”

Ron whined pathetically at the thought of Harry using a dildo while Ron’s magic cock floated around, needy and wanting attention. Pouting wasn’t going to work while his face was invisible, so he grasped his cock and made it droop a little sadly. A drop of pre come shimmered on the tip like a tear.

Harry saw Ron’s sad cock, and sighed softly.

“You could just close your eyes and it’d be just like I wasn’t invisible!” Ron announced, proud of his plan.

“If I wanted to shut my eyes and pretend you were here, I’d still be with Ginny,” Harry snarled.

Ron winced as the image of his sister using a strap-on to bugger Harry flashed into his brain. It would have been much easier to fight off if he hadn’t walked in on exactly that several years ago. Complete with Harry shouting, “Fuck me, Big Boy! Fuck me hard!” He hadn’t slept for weeks. He’d wanked himself raw just for something to do during all the extra hours.

Ron walked over to stand in front of Harry, his disembodied erection bouncing happily with each step. Harry had sat down on the edge of the bed, his expression full of woe, but Ron had a brilliant idea. He knew something that always seemed to cheer Harry up. “Suck me baby,” he said softly, making his voice husky and teasing.

“OMG, that is TOO WEIRD!” Harry shrieked. “And what’s wrong with your voice?”

“Shut up,” Ron muttered softly. “Stop being such a girl about it.”

Ron’s erection nudged at Harry’s lips insistently, and Harry suckled it automatically, out of habit. Harry shot one resentful look upwards in the vicinity of Ron’s face before squeezing his eyes shut and setting to work. It didn’t take long. Harry was using all the mad skillz he’d learnt when he started playing professional Quidditch, and Ron was fucking the delicious wet warmth of Harry’s mouth as though he could teach Harry to deep throat him properly by sheer brute force. He could only hope.

“OMG, you BITCH,” Harry coughed softly, after Ron had come down his throat. 

“You LOVE it,” Ron said, forgoing the husky voice this time.

“No, I love being able to SEE you when I suck you off. I like being able to see that it’s YOU!” Harry complained. “Disassociated from their owners, Weasley cocks look remarkably alike.”

Ron tried, unsuccessfully, to block the memory of accidentally stumbling upon Harry sucking off Charlie. Charlie had been grunting rhythmically, holding Harry’s head in place, and muttering something about Harry being ‘his little Fireball’. Ron hadn’t slept properly for over a month after that, and he’d developed some calluses on his right hand that weren’t caused by his broomstick. Well, not _that_ broomstick, anyway.

“I’ll show YOU what the bloody difference is!” Ron growled.

Harry got up on the bed on his hands and knees, arse in the air.

“WTF, Harry?” Ron asked. “I thought you said doggy style was FOR THE LOSE?”

“I can’t see you anyway,” Harry said. “And having my legs in the air hurts my back. I have Quidditch tomorrow! Just STFU and get on with it!”

Ron sighed exasperatedly, and reached down to start stroking Harry’s manly member. He waved his wand and heard the familiar squelching fart sound as Harry’s arse filled with a generous amount of lubricant.

“Sorry,” Harry muttered. “And you could have conjured it warmer, you BASTARD.”

“STFU yourself,” Ron said, lined up his visible cock with Harry’s anus, and pushed inside. “Just hold on.”

“Uh...uh...yeah...” Harry grunted, spreading his knees wider and bracing himself. A few moments later, he seemed to be rendered silent, save for the little squeaks and whimpers he let out every time Ron thrust.

 _Definitely a magic cock_ , Ron decided, smugly.

Ron watched Harry, who was speechless and pressing back wantonly, and decided this potion wasn’t too bad, if it weren’t for the whole invisibility thing. Because that _was_ weird. Looking down at his cock, moving in and out of Harry’s arse of its own accord was like watching one of Seamus’ porn videos, with all those weird angles. It was like watching someone else bugger Harry, someone with a Weasley cock, and that instantly brought up memories of seeing Harry bent forward over the kitchen table at the Burrow while Bill fucked him hard, growling and biting Harry’s neck as he came. It’d taken Ron six months to recover from _that_.

Ron’s hips pistoned harder, and Harry began babbling. “OMG! OMG RON! THAT’S MY BIG BOY!”

Harry shot all over Ron’s hand, his cock pulsing and arse clenching. Ron thrust so hard he was sure Harry could feel his cock nudging at the back of his throat for the second time in half an hour.

Ron heard his own pre orgasm mantra echoing off the walls. “Right behind you...FUCK! All the FUCKING WAY...who’s...who’s your Keeper?...right...FUCK...MERLIN...all the fucking way...with my WAND...MY MAGIC FUCKING WAND!”

“BUGGER YOUR WAND!” Harry gasped, and Ron had one final mental image; Harry fisting Percy’s cock with one hand and pressing his vibrating wand into Percy’s arse with the other. It was enough to tip him over the edge, and he went off like a geyser. He collapsed onto the bed, completely spent.

“OMG! You’re back!” Harry shrieked, snogging him thoroughly, before climbing off the bed and starting to dress.

“WTF? Where are you going?” Ron asked, confused.

Harry smirked. “I’m going to teach your brother a lesson.”

Ron was confused. Harry was thinking about books and stuff? NOW? “What lesson?” he asked.

“DO NOT FUCK WITH THE CHOSEN ONE!” Harry announced.

Ron toyed for a minute with staying in bed, sleeping, getting up and eating, and maybe sleeping some more. But then he remembered the time he’d caught a glimpse of the twins and Harry that one time. He was sure he’d seen the gleam of light on leather and buckles, heard a soft thwack and a muffled groan.

“Can I come with?” Ron asked, eagerly.


End file.
